I Just Cut Myself Open.

Reading time 5 minutes.

We all face judgment. Sometimes this judgment from the world around us seems especially present and seemingly unbearable.

I have entered a season in my life where I find myself most significantly vulnerable to the judgments of the world around me. My own story has caught the attention of friends, family, and acquaintances alike.

I have found it more and more common to find others asking those closer to me the truth of my circumstance. Seeking out the news, updates or lets be straight up… gossip. I am grateful for those who have held my honor in high regard.

Things that I used to find comfort in now leave me curious and skeptical. Questions like, “So how are you, really?” “How can I be praying for you?” I can’t help but wonder if they are seeking to pray, to help, or to know. I am eternally grateful to those who have been my trusted friends and confidants in this time. Continue reading “I Just Cut Myself Open.”

Honor and Trust

I find myself in a complicated mess. Trying my best to honor and trying my best to trust. It is not easy. And I don’t think I will ever be able to hold a candle to these characteristics like I should. I will fall short I am afraid.

Just as Paul says, I do the things I don’t want to do and don’t do the things I should.

15 For I do not understand what I am doing, because I do not practice what I want to do, but I do what I hate. 16 Now if I do what I do not want to do, I agree with the law that it is good. 17 So now I am no longer the one doing it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh. For the desire to do what is good is with me, but there is no ability to do it. 19 For I do not do the good that I want to do, but I practice the evil that I do not want to do. 20 Now if I do what I do not want, I am no longer the one that does it, but it is the sin that lives in me. – Romans 7:15-20

I know I have and will fall short. It doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t aim to seek out my own personal transformation. My ability to challenge myself to be who God calls me to be. Continue reading “Honor and Trust”

Bleaching the Floor Under the Urinals

Reading time 5 minutes.

This past Sunday my home church had their first Sunday in their new building. It was glorious. The morning was full of joy, life, and a heart of praise to God for all HE has done.

Standing on the front row I couldn’t help but think how much more special that morning was for those of us who had worked so hard all week to make it happen. Many worked days and nights to make our 7 days move a reality. Out of the 300+ that attended our first service I could look around and see the faces of sacrifice scattered all around. Some of them were staff, some senior leaders, and some who have been part of our family for years.

And yet there was one face that stood out among the rest. My new friend, who just moved here a little over a month ago. Newsong is her bran new family and everyday I served I saw her serving. Sometimes longer and harder than all the rest of us. She labored in circles around me, willing to do anything and do it with joyful cheer. Continue reading “Bleaching the Floor Under the Urinals”