Power and Control vs Empowerment and Self-Control

Reading Time 3 Minutes

Power and control have everything to do with your own personal identity insecurities and your own personal fears.  And nothing to do with the person you’re in relationship with. Wanna get real with me? Keep reading.

Empowerment and Self Control are both key to any healthy, true, and lasting relationship. Any relationship that lacks these two characteristics will fall short, show the pains of dysfunction, and lead to brokenness.

Victims of power and control can be convinced that they are to blame for the power and control being held over them.  This simply is not true.  Power and control have everything to do with the personal identity insecurities and personal fears of the one inflicting them.  Why?

When a person is sound, secure, and confident in who they are, in their identity, they will not seek to impose power or control on another.  Instead they rest in knowing who they are and being self-controlled.

A person who does inflict power and control on others is trying to compensate for the lack of power and/or lack of control they feel within themselves. Even if these feelings are subconscious they still can act on them.  Instead of looking within, and working on their own insecurities and fears within themselves they blame outwardly, and in doing so, try to inflict power and control. The problem with this is that even when power and control are successfully inflicted on others it only perpetuates the insecurities and fears within the inflictor.  This type of denial and blame becomes a black hole of brokenness.

How does it stop?!

It stops when the person who is the target of their power and control refuses to be overpowered and controlled.  Instead, these people rise up and out of these relationships.  This is not done with ease or delight but rather with intention and discipline.  It takes a lot of work.

One has to be determined to not be a participant of a relationship of power and control.  One has to choose to only involve themselves in relationships that are empowering and self-controlled.  This in my opinion is the only way to live.

No one has it down to a science but you can make changes to a healthier life with healthier relationships.

Ask yourself?  What are my identity insecurities?  What are my deepest fears?  Take the time to go there and ask yourself these hard questions and really look at your own personal insecurities and fears?  Develop a plan.  Address your insecurities and address your fears.  Stop blaming your insecurities and fears on others and take responsibility for them.  If you take responsibility for them then you can do something about them.  Change.

If you want things in your life to change stop sitting around waiting for other people to change… you’ll die waiting.  Instead, take responsibility for your own stuff, and change what you can. We can all become healthier people. We can all makes changes for the better.

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power (empowerment) and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7 AMP

This might seem like an ironic verse but let me explain.

  • The English word (power) in this scripture is translated to the greek word (dunamis from dunamai = to be able, to have power) power especially achieving power. It refers to intrinsic power or inherent ability, the power or ability to carry out some function, the potential for functioning in some way (power, might, strength, ability, capability), the power residing in a thing by virtue of its nature. Most of the time this greek word is translated into miracles or miraculous power.  In most context this greek word is referring to the power God has given to us. In other words, God is empowering us.
  • Poweras used by Paul here in 2 Timothy conveys the idea that Timothy (and all believers) have the God given inherent ability necessary for meeting difficulties and for the fulfillment of the service committed to us. God never commands us to do what He does not also enable us to complete. God gives us the power to overcome all obstacles and to face all dangers. In other words we are empowered by God. So we should empower others as God empowers us.
  • God knows that the one thing that stops us from living a life of empowerment, love, calm and well-balanced mind, discipline, and self-control is fear. Timidity comes from a lack of knowing oneself, a lack of identity

The only way to live a life with relationships that are empowering and self-controlled is to embrace the gift of power (empowerment), love and a sound mind (calm, well-balanced, disciplined, self-controlled mind) as recorded in 2 Timothy 2.

Live empowered and self-controlled and you will empower others to do the same!

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Christine and Maverick
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